WELL WELL WELL....

Well what do you know. I'm posting again, although a year hasn't even gone by yet. Don't worry loyal reader (See, I'm being clever, as I'm the only one reading this , hehe), I'm still as lazy as cat droppings on a tin roof (whatever that means!).

Ive been thinking alot about my life and where it is headed. Truthfully, I'm scared shitless. Of all the things in my future, getting married and being with the girl I love and adore are the only certain things in my life. January 19th by the way. :) Anyway, I'm rambling again. My studies are going along fine without me thankyou, although I'd prefer I was actively participating myself. I'm in a slump at the moment Well actually, I'm in a slump every year since I've left school. Every year I get all depressed about How I chose the wrong study field and how I'm wasting my time going on, why don't I just change my course and go on with something else?? Well I'm currently doing my masters degree, so It wold be kinda a waste not to complete the damn thing. I just wish that I would all end (Varsity wise) Don't think I'm getting all suicidal here or anything. :) I love life, greatly. I have alot of things I love doing.

The thing is I took this job as Illustrator for a book being published next year. It's all fun and all, it just puts alot of stress on me that I feel is unnecessary seeing as I'm a scientist, not an artist. But how I do so want to draw and and be creative!! It just dawned on me that I love these things for a reason: It's not my job! I don't like deadlines, I don't like being told what is creative and what is not. I want to do something meaningful with my life , not just draw little figures or write up research papers on freaking little stupid insects that are eating plants, Woopee!! I'm sick of it. I want to do something meanial and mind numbingly boring in the day and have the nights free. I don't want to type 24/7 on most days, thinking lateral all the way. Actually, thats what i should be doing, but becasue my heart is not in it, all I do is put it off, till tomorow everyday. I think I'm going to never truly finish my degree. I need to find something that inspires me, something fun, something new. Something that keeps me awake at night out of excitement.

At the moment all I'm doing is watching tv series on the pc, thats it, playing a game or two in between. I'm wasting my life. I need to get away from it all. Ha! Thats just me dreaming again. Did you know I was supposed to go to Japan? Thats never going to happen, ever. Not with my finances. I want to travel over seas like all my friends, see the world for a bit, before I'm all grown up so to speak. The problem is that being a grownup and every thing that goes along with it starts 1 August. Goodbye dreams, see you in the next life (If there is a next life, seeing as some deities are more bastards than others, just hoping I chose the right one :) Oh well..........

Smithy Out...